Porn is a struggle for every guy. I don’t care who you are-if you’re a walking, breathing male, you’ve dealt with it sometime in your life, probably recently. If it’s so common, why are so many Christians afraid to talk about it, especially in ministry? Maybe because our wives don’t understand it. Maybe because we’re too ashamed. Maybe because we’re afraid of what others will think. Men, we must talk about it. It’s a normal struggle. You’re not weird.
I’m no exception to the struggle. Like you, I’ve had my ups and downs. I’ve felt the twisted feelings of guilt, the emasculating thoughts of, “Why am I not man enough to beat this? No matter how hard I try, I fail.” And that’s exactly the problem-you aren’t man enough; you cannot try hard enough. The Lord wants you to realize two things that are hard for guys to admit: You need the Lord in every area of life, and you need other trusted men in your life. You cannot do it alone.
Here are three steps every guy needs to take:
1. Talk about it openly with a godly man you trust. Just admitting the struggle and talking about it out loud is huge and is absolutely necessary.
2. Establish several layers of accountability. Install software like Covenant Eyes on every computer you have access to. Have regular check-up conversations with your accountability partners. Know your high-risk times and stay away from an Internet connection during that period (i.e. when stress is high at the church, late at night when you’re tired and everyone else is in bed, and so on).
3. Make your relationship with the Lord the number-one priority in your life. Make your relationship with your wife the number-two priority in your life. If you’re single, dig into God’s Word more intensely than you ever have before.
Sometimes an addiction of this nature requires professional Christian counseling. Even as a youth worker that everyone looks up to, there’s no shame in seeking help. None whatsoever. You’d advise anyone else to do it, so suck up your pride and talk to someone. Today.
Tim Schmoyer is the author of the youth ministry blog, Life In Student Ministry—timschmoyer.com—where he runs a youth ministry mentorship program, produces free training videos every week, and more. He currently serves as a youth pastor in Minnesota.