lead better discussions (part 3)

Today, we are wrapping up our ideas for leading better discussion.

DONT ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS….too quickly
Silence is uncomfortable for most people and most youth workers seem to want to quickly fill the void. Set the tone for your teenagers by letting them know that there will be times when silence appears and it’s within the silence that everyone has a chance to think without listening to others. As we lead discussions, some-times we’ll be quiet after asking a question and let the silence hang.

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ALL ACCESS: Get resourced by SYM and increase your freedom and flexibility
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LISTEN WHEN YOUR STUDENTS TALK
You may be thinking, “DUH! OF COURSE I LISTEN!” Okay, but at least admit that there’s a real temptation to use the time when others are talking to prepare your next question. While it’s natural, it’s not good for one-on-one conversation and it also kills group community. Express your care for teenagers by actually listening thoroughly to their answer.

ENCOURAGE YOUR STUDENTS TO ASK QUESTIONS
A healthy group creates its own questions. If the leader is the only one feeding questions into the conversation, then the students aren’t being challenged to think for themselves. A good conversationalist will ask questions that will force the teenagers to ask more questions. We encourage you to keep these in mind:

..| Telling a truth is very important.
..| Asking a question is very important.
..| Teaching students to ask questions is ALSO very important.

BE READY TO LEARN SOMETHING
If we believe that the Apostle Paul knew what he was talking about, then we ought to be ready to learn from other believers….EVEN when they are much younger. In our opinion, if you show up to be with teenagers WITHOUT being ready to learn something, you might as well stay home in the comfort of your own arrogance. Leaders are learners.

YOU MAY NEED TO EMBRACE THE CHAOS
You can’t fully administrate meaningful conversations. Every time a group of teenagers get together, there is a high probability that the conversation road will take turns you didn’t anticipate. You may not get to the “destination” you origi-nally intended, and that may be okay. Try to draw a few conclusions at the end of your time even if you didn’t cover all your objectives. When you have “unfin-ished business,” you might consider leaving them with a reflection question that they can think about on their own. You could also follow up with a question via email, Facebook, or text.

ANSWER (SOME) OF THE QUESTIONS
Here’s a guideline we use: if a question is really personal, go ahead and be the first to answer so you pave the way. By doing this you demonstrate risk and set the example for others to follow. Honesty and authenticity enhance relationships by creating an atmosphere where everyone feels the freedom to share.

DONT SETTLE FOR ONE ANSWER
Good questions will help illuminate your students. You have a choice if the light from each question is a match or a slow burning candle. Don’t move too quickly through your questions, even if the first answer is “100% correct.” After one person has answered, restate the question, or ask, “who else has a thought” or simply be quiet and expect someone else to attempt an answer.

AFFIRM EVERY RESPONSE
It’s important to acknowledge and affirm every response your students make. You want to communicate your attention and approval for risking to share. It doesn’t have to be a big deal each time, a smile, nod, or a quick, “HMMM,GOOD,THANKS” is enough. If a someone risks something personal, please be sure to thank them. If you are surprised by an answer and learn some-thing, admit it. If a student says something especially insightful, celebrate it without making everyone else feel inferior.