My favorite thing about working with students is . . . well . . . working with students. I (Tasha) am a counselor, and my shtick when asked if I counsel children is, “I don’t work with kids because I’m much more comfortable working with a teen who yells the ‘F-bomb’ at me than with a child who needs play therapy.”
I love teenagers. I love their honesty, passion, and angst. I think they are fun, and I can’t imagine a life without youth ministry being part of my story.
I know I’m not unique. There’s a good chance you’re reading this article because you love teens as well. So my question to you (me) is: Do we love all teens?
- Do we love the teen who doesn’t love us?
- Do we love the teen who doesn’t come to our events?
- Do we love the teen who compares everything we do to everything the previous youth leader did?
- Do we love the teen with the hover mom who drives us nuts?
- Do we love the teen with no personal space and a fondness for full frontal hugs?
- Do we love the teen who acts like a bully?
- Do we love the teen who is socially awkward?
- Do we love the famous teen who writes raunchy lyrics, twerks with middle-aged men, or has maxed out his boyish charm?
I really do love teenagers, but I’d be lying if I said I loved all teens. The truth is, some teens are just easier to love than others, yet my (our) calling is to love like Jesus loves.
How can we love teens better?
- Ask God to help you love better. It is not uncommon for people to seek counseling and ask me to teach their spouse or teenager to love better, but I’ve never had a person ask me to teach them to love better. I hope for a day when someone comes to my office and asks, “Tasha, will you teach me to love __________ better?”
- Pray for the student you find difficult to love. Broken people hurt people, and the sobering part of this truth is we too are broken. Talking to God about the broken teens in our lives draws us back to our calling to love like Jesus.
- Deal with your own brokenness. Find someone to help you unpack your brokenness, because healing frees you up to love well.
- Resist the temptation to talk negatively about students. Plenty are the critics of today’s teenager. Let’s stand together as leaders who shine a positive light on our students and famous students. Complaining, gossiping, or posting snarky comments about any teenager is not our calling (even the twerking ones).
- Read, “Love Does,” by Bob Goff. Just do it!
- Ditch the need to be the coolest ministry in town, and choose to become the most loving. I dig the super creative I-cannot-believe-that-just-happened youth event, and if you throw in a snazzy tee, I’m hooked for life. However, today’s teen needs us to love them well, not just entertain them. The cool event is simply the catalyst to build relationships and love better.
- Look for opportunities to love. I have a list of students who I know I need to love better. Asking God to help me become more intentional with finding opportunities to love broken students has become my new favorite part of youth ministry.
Loving well is no small task. Love requires guts, risk, creativity, and resolve. So man (or girl) up! Who can you start loving better today?
What do you think?
8 thoughts on “Loving Difficult-to-Love Students (Even the Famous Ones)”
Loved this article! Also loved that you mentioned reading Love Does. Just finished this book a couple of weeks ago. Thought it was amazing and recommend it to all my friends! Thank you again for sharing the articles that you do.
Thanks for the encouragement Vicki. The book was a much-needed dose of fresh air for us too! Keep loving students 🙂
This is truth! Thank you for sharing this.
Right on Leah. Thanks for reading. Keep loving students! 🙂
I don’t have a problem loving students…. but there are serious issues between the girls and boys in my HS group. Any thoughts on how to overcome this?
Hey Mindy, thanks for reading. Any time we have relationship struggles in our group, we try to get the right people together for an honest heart-to-heart. Sometimes a little Holy Spirit gentle nudging can help get things going in the right direction. Rarely is “he said-she said” helpful, but we’ve found once someone is heard — really heard — healing is much easier to experience. Feel free to email me directly if you’d like to continue the conversation.
Thanks Mindy. Keep loving students!
In first place, ministers must know that true love doesn’t depend on positive people alone but also on the side where teens feel they are tired of us. However, our sharing opened my eyes further, thanks.
Thanks for posting Felx. One day I hope to love just like you described.
Keep loving students!