General Ministry
Amber Cassady

Content Marketer for Simply Youth Ministry and Group Mission Trips. College girls small group leader. Coffee lover. Fan of hiking and skiing as much as she can!



post from Hosanna

I’d love to know if there are women out there whose youth pastor husbands serve in a church where the senior pastor is either person’s parent. We deal with a whole slew of criticism ranging from my husband being shown favoritism to people stirring up conversations about whether or not my husband is called and/or qualified for this job or if he just has it because of his father.?

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It’s discouraging because lately, I feel like I don’t know who our friends are. We’ve been burned in the past few weeks finding out that people we thought we were close to are those who turn around and “murmer discontentedly” to others.?


We truly feel like this is where we’re supposed to be and I think my husband is a fantastic youth pastor (and not just because I’m his wife!) but some days, it’s hard to remember that because of someone saying that we’re just here “because of his dad”.?


Anyone been here before? I’d love to hear from you.

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  • Karin says:

    I am not in that family position but with the burnout – there is a new book by Anne Jackson called “The Mad Church Disease – the burnout epidemic” Thought you might want to pick it up. I read it – easy read but good.

  • Rachel says:

    This is unfortunate, and something that we’ve experienced in my family as well. My brother felt very strongly about “coming home” to be assistant to my dad in his church. It ended up being a huge drama with fall out even now, more than a year later, and there was what I call a “purging” in the church with a lot of people leaving. Both my dad and brother felt strongly that they were pursuing God’s will, but apparently a lot of people objected simply because of the family tie. I don’t understand that thinking at all! It’s not like there was a huge line of qualified men champing at the bit to come help the ministry out. It’s sad, but like I told my mom, some of the nastiest people can be found in church. 🙁

  • Monica says:

    Our situation is not exactly like yours, but I could relate to a lot of what you wrote. My husband is the youth pastor in the church he grew up in, even though he lived away from there for 11 years. He has dealt with a lot of those same issues from those people who just feel the need to be negative about everything. That he only got the job because of his “name” when in fact it’s really a God-thing that he is here at this time because this church has been through a lot of hurt in the last 5 years before we came and they needed someone they knew well and could trust, working with their youth. It’s amazing how a few small hurtful comments can cut so deep, isn’t it? And how betrayed we can feel by the people our husbands are serving. My only advice is to focus on the many good comments I’m sure you get about his ministry, and focus on his gifts and why the Lord has called you to this church at this time. Serve for Him, not for the people, and try as best you can to let their comments slide off your back. Also, I’ve found it really helps to have a friend or two who aren’t members of our church, so there is not that “background issue” always lurking in our friendships, and they are also good people to vent to when you just need to talk a bit about struggles you are facing in the ministry.
    All the best, and hang in there! Your husband must be doing a great job if Satan is trying so hard to pester him this way and thwart his ministry, right? Just ignore it and keep going!

  • Diana says:

    We also are serving at a church in which my husband was raised. The church has changed so much from that time, and we also lived away, but I echo having friends outside the church.

    There are a lot of wonderful women in the church, but only one that I trust and can truly be vulnerable with–she’s a gift. There are a couple gals I would really call true friends–(both whose husbands are in youth ministry) who are such supportive, encouragements in our lives, and we hope to be the same to them.

    A couple of us in town actually tried to start a Youth Pastor’s wives network to compliment the youth workers network our husbands have. The three of us found that to be a real need–as we can relate and pray, and encourage each other–church politics aside. It took some serious initiation at first–letters, calls, play dates with our kids, etc., but such a gift!

    This is getting so long but a couple books that have helped me SO much are “I’m more than the Pastor’s Wife: Authentic living in a Fishbowl world” and “Renewal on the Run: Embracing the privileges and expectations of a ministry wife.”

  • Jennifer says:

    Our situation is not quite the same but it reminds me of me. My husbands first job in the youth ministry was in the church where we both grew up. Things were ok at first but we never really lives down the image of still being “one of the kids”.
    I can relate to all the discontented murmuring which is the worst part. It hurts, especially from people who you once counted as friends. We knew our place was in the ministry but God made it clear it was not to be there.
    It was hard to move on but when we did God blessed our faithfulness and obedience with a time of healing, rest and a new ministry with some wonderful believers at another church.
    If you feel God is leading you to stay, then stay. Anything else would not be faithful to your calling. God will honor and bless you even in the midst of the hurt.
    Stay in the Word everyday and pray about everything. I would also recommend the book The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse. It was given to us by the pastor of the church we went to after we left our “home” church.
    Focus on the good in your ministry and let God deal with the bad. He makes everything beautiful in HIS time. Eventually (12 years of successful ministry elsewhere), we got a heart felt apology from our former pastor for the way we were treated while we were in ministry at his church.
    Keep serving…it’s always worth it!

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