GAME OVER! seven game mistakes that will derail your effectiveness
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By Doug and Matt 06/30/2010
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Great game ideas require execution. It doesn’t take much to turn a youth ministry game into a train wreck. We’re hoping you can learn from the mistakes we’ve made over the years and avoid these de-railers:
(1) The leader of the game lacks enthusiasm.
Whoever is leading a game must believe that game is worthwhile of getting everyone involved. Anything less than total commitment will trickle down and you’ll have less excitement and participation. We’re not saying you have to be and electrified Chihuahua hopped up on crack, but you do have to believe in what you’re asking everyone to do. Your confidence will encourage students to eagerly participate.
(2) The game gets too competitive.
Ministry games get too competitive when leadership misses the big-picture. Be fair, but firm. As we were working on this article, a veteran youth worker tweeted, “Dodgeball Tournament: always one competitive player on the team and it always seems to be the adult!” Avoid this by getting your leaders on the same page BEFORE the games begin. There’s nothing more sad than an adult reliving his youth and dunking over a seventh grade girl. Competition has the potential to bring out the worst in others—prepare for it.
(3) The adult leaders aren’t involved.
Last time we checked, there’s no such thing as the spiritual gift of apathy. This is why it’s normally a bad idea to have your adults standing around the edge of the room with their arms crossed and uninvolved. In our opinion, a healthy youth ministry fights furiously against communicating “US v. THEM”. Good games involve adults too so teenagers can see adult leaders having fun… and losing (we make it a rule never to allow adults to win).
(4) Humor that ridicules or embarrasses.
When someone fails, falls or loses, it’s not the time to capitalize on their loss. While it might make for a good laugh, laughter at the expense of a teenager may push them away from your ministry (and maybe even God).
(5) Cliques are reinforced rather than challenged.
If you’re not careful, a game can have the opposite effect of building community and enhancing new relationships. This can happen when formed friendship circles are given the opportunity to band together against others. Be careful how you form teams, and be very careful about allowing teenagers to form teams—remember, it’s brutal to be picked last.
Student Leadership tip: We expected our student leaders to spread out and meet others when there’s a game time and remind them that it’s not important who wins.
(6) The game is too unsafe.
It’s okay if a game is a little unsafe...like roller coaster unsafe (it feels more wild than it actually is). You don’t want to push the envelope where your student’s safety is concerned. It’s not worth the risk. We once used Tiki torches in a relay game and thought this was funny until Tiki fuel spilled all over a teenager (he didn’t catch on fire… although that would have made for a great video).
(7) The game goes too long.
Too much of a good thing isn’t a good thing. The best time to end a game is while the students are still enjoying it! Leave them wanting more and go out on top!
There’s another option for a game that’s going too long and not working—stop it. Don’t force it... abandon ship...there’s no code among GAME CAPTAINS that says you have to go down with the ship. Obviously, you’re not planning for a game to fail, but if it does, cut your loses and move on.
What are some ways your games have taken a program off track?
Conversation
Thanks so much great info and
Thanks so much great info and tips! This site is amazing
HAAHAHA I am laughing and
HAAHAHA
I am laughing and crying at the same time... there are so MANY PAIN stories when it comes to games at youth events!!
Mr. Anon: GREAT STORY...cool ending...
MARK: great, great feedback!!
All 7 of these mistakes I
All 7 of these mistakes I have been a part of or a witness to. Good thoughts guys. Here are a couple more thoughts:
- (3) The adult leaders aren’t involved.
I agree mostly to the idea that adult leaders should be involved in the games. But I've also required all my adults to participate in a game before and it only hurt the game more than helped (see mistake #2). So off and on I'll have my adults be refs or boarder guards to help keep them in the game but not controlling the game. I usually have some conversations with them about this and this gives me a great chance to talk through the overall purpose of game time.
- (2) The game gets too competitive.
Playing games with Middle school youth (11-14 yr olds) the level of competitiveness is higher and it is harder for them to understand that the overall purpose isn't winning. This is something that has to be managed more than be "fixed." We try to play games that are less about winning and more about fun (less dodge ball more do you love your neighbor).
Thx Matt and Doug for such great stuff.
On point #2 I had a youth
On point #2
I had a youth leader get mad while playing football because my Dad and I blitzed at the same time and he was in the way. On the next play he lined up against me, wrapped his arm around my neck and tackled me. (for those of you who don't know, tackling a linemen isn't usually part of the game) Afterwards my 230+lb Dad got right in his face & told him that he could try that on him all he wants but if he touches me in anger one more time he'll knock him an his back. This leader caused 3 ministry problems. 1) Even after forgiving him, I could never look at him the same way (neither could anyone else involved) 2) He caused a confrontation brought about by my Dad's natural parental instincts that made my Dad look aggressive as well, which could have impacted how teens viewed my father. 3) With as many highly competitive guys we had in our youth group, we NEEDED examples of how to properly handle our frustrations on the field.
Losing your cool and physically acting out on a student is NEVER ok, and in many cases will instantly lose you your position.
Recently we took our middle
Recently we took our middle schoolers on a mission trip to a town a couple hours away. We had rented a YMCA camp and spent most of our week there. But with one of our churches right up the road, we thought it'd be fun one night to have a change of scenery, and take our students there for some dodgeball. The youth pastor there was totally down with it and asked if he could invite some of his students to join in. I'm a "the more the merrier" kinda guy, so I thought that was a great idea.
We arrived at the church and as we began to gather all the students together, I noticed that their students looked more like high school and even college age (reminder: our students were middle schoolers). I thought to myself, "No biggie, I'm sure it'll be fun."
As one of their youth leaders began to explain the rules, I noticed that "head shots" were allowed. "No biggie", I thought. "I'm sure it'll still be fun."
Then it was decided that we'd have a church vs. church battle for round one. *This is where I should have stepped in but didn't. Because after all, "No biggie, I'm sure this will be fun and a healthy competition." I still had no reason to believe otherwise.
At the sound of the starting whistle I learned exactly what kind of nightmare we were in for.
Remember that rule that "headshots are allowed"? Well, it turns out that's pretty much all they threw. And when I say "threw", I mean "shot" or "launched". I'm not joking--I've NEVER seen dodgeballs move that fast. Within seconds I had a few of our students in tears, gripping the side of their head, and all of our students looking like the proverbial "deer in the headlights" Leaders were consoling the casualties (which turned out to be more in shock than in pain). The game didn't last long, even though we outnumbered them almost 2 to 1. As it turns out, a 6th grade girl is no match for a 22 yr. old man when it comes to dodgeball.
Leaders came up to me, voicing their discomfort with the situation, but I barely heard any of that because I was mentally rehearsing a) the earful I was about to give the other youth pastor and b) the angry phone calls I would receive Monday morning after we get back.
After speaking with the youth pastor and voicing my concern in no uncertain terms, he apologized and assured me there was no intention to harm, and that we should mix up the teams and even them out. I could not have agreed more.
(I'll say here that there really was no malicious intent from the other team, they were just really REALLY good at dodgeball! We still love them and many of our kids have dedicated the next year to training and steroids, looking forward to a rematch!)
After we evened out the teams, most of my students actually BEGGED to keep playing, even after 3 more rounds.
This was a situation where no one was "wrong" per se; we just had 2 very different approaches to the same game. And I also learned that their students play dodgeball religiously every time they get together.
That would explain the special shoes and the tattoos.
What I learned:
1. If the different teams seem to be of different ages/size, mix them up from the beginning. I didn't.
2. Make sure everyone knows playing is completely voluntary (that wasn't clear to all our students, even though it was true)
3. Stop the game at the FIRST injury, no matter how non-severe it seems. Make sure you know why the injury happened, and make necessary changes to keep it from repeating itself.