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Leneita Fix

Leneita has been involved in youth or family ministry for over 24 years serving in rural, suburban and urban settings, camps, small and large churches and non-profits. She has authored or co-authored several youth ministry books, including Everybody’s Urban Understanding the Survival Mode of the Next Generation among others. Leneita is the ministry and training coordinator for BowDown Church, co-founded a coaching and training organization called Frontline Urban Resources (everybodysurban.org) and lives with her amazing husband John and four children in Florida.

puzzle 1

 I totally revamped my approach to small groups in our ministry recently.

We have tried a multitude of curriculums, ideas, books, formulas and approaches. It has been topical and as simple as opening the Bible and walking verse by verse. Still I was finding an interesting trend. Many of my students who had grown up with us still stared at me blankly when I asked the question:

“What’s your relationship with Jesus look like?”

As I started to dig deeper, I learned some things about my students:

  • Many felt leaders cared more about them “acting right” than about what was going on in their lives.
  • Many felt like they had to get their life “right” BEFORE they could have “REAL” relationship with Christ.
  • Many felt like they are told by family members that it’s all about “church” whether they like “church” or not. This makes them not want to go to church.
  • Many felt like Jesus didn’t answer their prayers because He was too busy, didn’t truly care about the request, or because they were supposed to do more for themselves.
They knew who Jesus was. They admitted they didn’t KNOW Jesus.

What did this mean for my students?

  • Telling them the “do’s” and “don’t’s” of a life with Christ just felt like an attack and caused defensiveness. (Some well meaning leaders would tell them what music to listen to or what clothes to wear.)
  • They heard the Word but rarely listened to it. Even the most impassioned “speeches” were going in one ear and straight out. They weren’t applying it to their own lives on a daily basis.

What did this mean for my small group leaders?

  • In a desperate desire to get students to “live” for Jesus there was a tendency to lecture them on “right” and “wrong.”
  • They felt like they were on a “hamster wheel” to get students to change and live for Christ. They kept trying harder and harder to present the Gospel and students remained apathetic.

(In a discussion with one leader recently she actually used the words, “Just let me talk to them more, I can save them.”)

Ouch! This was becoming a lose/lose for everyone. No one felt heard or understood even when the “heart” was in the right place.

So I sat down, prayed, and decided to seek Jesus. I knew He wanted to reach these students in a way that caused them to understand His love. I knew it would take HIS salvation and moving and that I wouldn’t fine a “formula” to put into action.

So what did I do?  Tune in tomorrow to find out how I threw my small groups on their head.

Have you noticed any of these trends with your students or leaders?

Let me know your thoughts,

Leneita

@leneitafix

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  • Great post! I too have seen this trend and have been having to “back track” with my students. I’ll give an example: One of our girls who grew up in church, walked an aisle when young, etc., comes every once and a while and “confesses” that she feels convicted. It’s always the same, “I’m not doing this,” or “I’m not doing that.” I had to remind her that we don’t change in order to come to Christ, but that He changes us when we grow closer to him. Appreciated this post and look forward to the follow up!

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