More than a few months have gone by without a word. I had none. I felt so loved by all of your comments encouraging me to keep writing and even the continued readers and comments encouraging one another was so good for my heart.
We all know that ministry is a roller coaster of ups and downs. And the past year and a half has been the down hill adventure of our roller coaster. I was feeling that working for a church was more difficult than uplifting. It was a hard time for me to be encouraging with my words and it was harder for me to distinguish between complaining and “sharing” honest struggles. I was sifting through my own feelings being hurt as well as my own hateful feelings towards the church. So I felt it was a time for me to be quiet. (But I was in no way leaving “my girls”! 🙂 )
The journey that I have been on with my church has been Love Story. Not a Cinderella story that you are thinking of, but a true love, blood, sweat, and tears, sacrificial, painful, rip your heart out, beautiful, loyal, tender love, Love Story. I have been changed and will love better because of this journey.
Let me say this: I love THE church. I love MY church. I have never not loved my church. But I have said hurtful things about our church, I have felt hurt by our church, and have seen things that I hate happen at our church. But I know just like a family, my church is not perfect. We will hurt, we will hate, we will yell and scream, and in the end we will forgive and see the best in the ones we love. And sometimes it is in the pain we gain our strength because we have been the most vulnerable and were still loved.
As I am feeling lead to write again I am nervous. There is so much to share and talk about it feels a little overwhelming. My vision for married to a youth pastor is exciting, but it also forces me to process such intimate and sometimes painful feelings all over again, and that feels scary. But I love you ladies, and my heart beats for this ministry of women who are married into ministry. I truly am in love with the journey God has brought me through and am so glad to share it honestly an openly so that you may not feel alone. So that you may not feel ashamed to have whatever feelings are inside of you about the church and doing ministry. I am passionate about bringing voices together to strengthen our marriages and share our own of Love Stories.