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They Just Don't Get It

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By Doug Fields
9/10/2007

One of my major frustrations in youth ministry is that not everyone on my ministry team "gets it." They're not always as excited about the things I'm excited about. And, they don't always do the things that I think they should do...at times, they just don't get it. Does that ever happen to you? I know it shouldn't bother me...I've known this truth for many years...but it still bugs me

Shepherding students is a great picture of a youth worker who cares for students on a week-to-week basis with their best interest in mind. And, without careful attention...our sheep or our students can get lost.

Last night at my leaders' meeting I had to remind our leaders that we're not chaperones. Youth workers are shepherds. This seems so basic. I hope they got it. Who knows?

In my youth ministry terminology, I view a chaperone as someone who "watches" students to make sure no one breaks anything at church events. Rather, a shepherd is one who takes an interest in students' lives so when things break (like relationships, family, their heart, their faith, etc...) they'll have a caring adult to turn to who knows them.

The biblical image of a shepherd is someone who cares for and has the best interest in mind for his sheep. The Bible gives us several images that relate care-taking to that of a shepherd.

In the Gospel of John (21:17), Jesus said, "If you love me, take care of my sheep." In Psalm 23, we are told that the Lord is our shepherd. And because the LORD is a good, caring, loving shepherd, we can rest. The biblical shepherd is a protector and a provider, which translates into someone who loves.

Shepherding students is a great picture of a youth worker who cares for students on a week-to-week basis with their best interest in mind. And, without careful attention...our sheep or our students can get lost. Here's an e-mail I received from a student.

Hey Doug, it's Jonathon. Just wanted to let you know that I won't be attending Saddleback Church anymore. I stopped attending for a while hoping someone would have the heart to notice that I wasn't there. But the people who said they were my friends never called me, not one of them...not even my small group leader. It took 4 months for someone to call me and say that they hadn't seen me there. To tell you the truth, after four months I'd rather he not of called at all. It just hurts that for years the people there said they were my friends but they didn't show it while I was gone. Now I go to a small church were people know if I'm not there.

This student's shepherd lost focus of this sheep...and he went astray. Thank God he had enough spiritual interest in his own life that he plugged into another church. Most don't and these kinds of letters breaks my heart. I wish I could say that I don't see these types of letters, but I do. Not weekly, but more often than I'd like to.

I know Jonathon's small group leader and he's a great guy! He's actually a pretty good youth worker, too. He just got distracted, too busy, and kept thinking, "Oh Jonathon is a regular, he'll be back." Unfortunately, he never returned. This youth ministry leader lost sight of the small things that are a big deal in youth ministry-staying in touch with students.

To me, that just seems like basic, simple, bottom line youth ministry. When you've connected with a few students-keep track of them, get in their life, that's what youth workers do. I talk about it all the time. I remind leaders with e-mails. I ask about their small groups when I see them. But, some times they just don't get it. It's definitely not the majority of my leaders...but, even when it's a few it stings like crazy and it's very frustrating.

When I shared this with my leaders last night, one of my veteran youth workers reminded me of something that I knew too...and didn't think about. She said, "Doug, you've got to realize that Jesus lived with his closest followers and there's several New Testament examples of the disciples not getting it. They were often confused, they did the wrong things, and even after displays of divinity, they still doubted and wondered. They didn't always get it either." She was right. It was something I needed to hear.

Jesus' disciples didn't get it and yet they wound up being instruments to launch the early church and change the world. It's a good reminder. All of your leaders and all of my leaders may not get it either, but they are making a difference and they're changing the world. Instead of being frustrated, I need to be thankful that I don't do youth ministry alone. I also need to hold up the mirror and take notice of the things I don't get. Thankfully, even when we don't get it, God does and he's doing the impossible while we struggle to do the possible.

I've got a lot to learn...you too?

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Thanks for the good post. I am fully agree with you and really working with youth workers is an important, challenging, and enormously rewarding profession. Young chaps help to form the lives of the young people they work with. These young workers also shape the futures of their own communities. We need to provide more chance for youth workers, try to provide them national level loans and provide them the support and professional development opportunities.

debt 4:07:06am on 7/14/2009

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I loved this! I just took a new position as a summer intern for my former church's youth group. I will be working with one other person who doesn't always see things like I see them. Thank you for the reminder that we should be grateful that others are concerned about the youth and desire to see them know the Lord more intimately. Wise words!

Heather B 8:05:24pm on 5/12/2008

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I love and totally agree with the distinction between chaperone and shepherd. This was a great reminder not to get frustrated and give up on leaders, instead to be patient with them just as God is with us. Doug, I'm a big fan of your work; thanks for being obedient and writing what God puts on your heart. Sean Nault, Eastside Foursquare Church, Bothell, WA

Sean Nault 12:01:23pm on 1/31/2008

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Thank you for this article. I really appreciate this. I am a Youth leader in our church and I always want to remind myself to see the Youth not merely as an organization but as individuals with different needs. I often end up being so overwhelmed by all the responsibilities, that I miss to shepherd every young person under my care. I also teach small children and also serve as the financial accountant of our church. Because of the overwhelming tasks at hand, most of the time I wanted to give up. I often lose the joy of shepherding even if I don't want to. Thanks!

anna 9:10:01am on 10/18/2007

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Thanks alot I just finished from my new church as serving as Associate Pastor/ and Youth Pastor. I love it God has blessed me with this Oct. 9 new youth I went to a usual 5 or so to now more than 16 in alittle over 2 weeks. Plus I have a new Baby Girl she is 2 months. Balancing everything being bi-voc. is a hard thing and I sometimes keep placing importance on being a chaperone in stead of their shepherd. It is very important I almost lost a few kids because I didn't call them to find out what is going on in their lives. Thanks for the reminder. May God keep richly blessing your ministry and all those involved. Thanks, Jason

Jason King 10:10:05pm on 10/17/2007

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'They just don't get it' was a good remeinder for me as well. Being a Youth Director with many students ( praise the Lord) I often feel over whelmed and forget how important EVERY SINGLEBODY IS. So thanks for the reminder..I will gladly share with my loving staff and co-laborers as well. Keeping it small enough to see everyone like Jesus did, a large enough to be healthy. Sorta a ticky buisness. Becky Keller, Wheatland Salem Church, Illinois

Becky Keller 12:10:45pm on 10/17/2007

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The lesson on "they just don't get it" was very good. I am a pastors wife and I have seen this same scenerio happen in our youth group. I love the comparison you made between chaperones and Shepherds. We could all work on being a better shepherd no matter if we are SS teachers. youth Childrens Church nursery or Pastors. Thank you Janet

janet smith 2:10:02pm on 10/16/2007

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What a great resource. Thanks for the great work.

Bensan 1:09:42pm on 9/29/2007

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