"I'm so proud of you. Just think...an A in math! That's great! Now if only you could do that well in biology," I told my junior higher. "Aren't you ever happy with anything I do?" Chris responded, his face flushed. What did I do now? Didn't he hear me compliment him? Or did my compliment sound more like a complaint?

We parents often make the mistake of expressing our approval and frustration in the same sentence. How many times have you injected the words "but" "except" or "if only" into a compliment? In combining these two elements we send mixed messages to our junior highers. And they in response don't know whether to say "thanks" or "I'm sorry."

Remember the last time you complimented your junior higher? Recall what you said and ask yourself:

1. Was my only objective to praise my junior higher?


2. Did my son or daughter go away feeling totally good about himself or herself?


3. Did I stifle any complaints or suggestions for improvement I might have?
If you answered all the questions "yes", you're right on track. If you answered one question "no", you need a little more practice. Keep trying. And remember: Keep those compliments and complaints far from each other. Don't mix apples and oranges.

Name: 
Linda Amstutz