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A Lost Art

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By Jeanne Mayo
8/23/2007

"I can live for two months on one good compliment." - Mark Twain

We live in a pretty ungrateful society. From your boss, to the parents you try to please, to the students you love, rarely will you ever get all the affirmation you deserve. Let me take a minute to tell you that while I challenge you to continue to cultivate the art of affirmation in your ministry, I want to encourage you

Please remember that when you begin to affirm those in your youth ministry - what gets rewarded gets repeated.

I apologize for all the times you've waited too long to receive a decent compliment. Cheesy though it may sound. I mean it when I say that I think you're amazing, and you really are doing a great job.

The Bible says that we don't even give a cup of cold water away in Jesus' name, without receiving your reward. When you don't hear the praise of those around you, remember that Jesus is clapping; and all those secret sacrifices you've made will be rewarded.

I've always said that a hungry need is a dangerous need. One of the greatest needs I think our students have is the need for affirmation. It's the reason many of them try to date a bunch of people or give their hearts away too soon and to the wrong person. Early on in youth ministry, I worked to make affirmation a part of my own spiritual DNA. Because it is something I so wanted, it has been something I've worked to give away. As I look back, I would say much of the success we've had in youth ministry is because we've chosen to build an affirming environment among our staff, our leaders, and our students.

Please remember that when you begin to affirm those in your youth ministry - what gets rewarded gets repeated. If we can choose to give positive attention to the behavior we want, we will see that behavior multiply. Jesus did it so well. He looked at the woman who was caught in adultery and dealt with the sin, but his demeanor with her was affirming. This art of affirmation is one that is rooted in scripture. The Bible says, "The goodness of God leads to repentance." In no way am I saying that you need to completely ignore wrong behavior, but too often we let what students do right go unnoticed. If we want to portray the goodness of God, we need to be people who can learn to bring out the best in others. Psychologists say that it takes seven positive comments to neutralize just one negative. We remember the complaints, the criticisms, and the cut downs. How much more do our kids and our students?

Consciously look for things to praise and be honest and genuine in your affirmation. You will see your students begin to respond, to gain confidence, and to see themselves in the amazing way that God sees them.

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I read a quote that says "Hearts, like minds, go where they are appreciated." While we as Christians should look up to God's reward and applause, we cannot deny that it really helps a lot if people do express their appreciation - as in, visibly or audibly. Thanks for reminding everyone that ministry isn't just about reaching lives but also touching them where they need it most. :03

CyanFox 6:12:58am on 12/01/2007

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I just sent a simple note to a girl whom I know is struggling. She couldn't have been home more than 1/2 an hour when I got a text message from her thanking me for the card. These kids are so hungry to hear that we love them and care about them even when they mess up. It really doesn't take much.

Catherine Singleton 4:11:41pm on 11/29/2007

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It's good to be reminded that though our students can be rude, disrespectful, and angry sometimes, they are letting you know that they need our encouragement and our genuine love to break through their false fronts. I just did this with a student this past week. We went to a youth convention this past weekend and before having to leave, one of my students refused to show up. He was angry with his mom for making him go, and he decided to let her know how mad he was over the phone while we were in the parking lot of our church. Mom was in tears and hurt. I knew I needed to go talk to him before we could leave (leave the 99 for the 1). When I met up with him, I gave him a hug and he began to cry. I let him know how much I wanted him to go, then I prayed with him. He still refused to come, so I waited next to my car talking with the father sensing God was telling me to wait (even though I was concerned that the other kids and parents were waiting at the church ready to go). After about 15 minutes the boy came outside and decided to go. When we returned from the trip, the first thing he told me was thanks for coming to his house to get him. I believe the short time I took really spoke volumes of love and care to this young man who needed to know he was worth chasing after.

Chris Wenzel 12:11:26pm on 11/29/2007

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I am so glad to see this. Last night my group was a bit rowdy. Now I am going to take the time to specifically pick out the ones that were not and affirm their good behavior. Thanks

Photizo Youth 10:11:44am on 11/29/2007

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