"We can do anything we want. We're college students!" Such is the theme of the film Animal House, where the Delta fraternity bad boys inflict campuswide havoc through riotous amoral living. In the film, John Belushi's character Bluto Blutarsky drunkenly beckons two new green frat boys: "Grab a brew, it doesn't cost nothing." Or does it?
Can college students truly live like "Animals" and do anything they want? Are the costs really nothing? "No!" answers Steven Garber in his profoundly important book
The Fabric of Faithfulness: Weaving Together Belief and Behavior During the University Years In order to help teens learn how to deal with uncertainty in general, it is critical that parents and youth workers give still-at-home adolescents opportunities for new experiences where the results are not predetermined. Be willing to endure missteps and mistakes as part of the learning process. Provide real challenges and choices with real consequences.
Garber calls college the "critical years" between adolescence and adulthood because "decisions are made there that are determinative for the rest of life."
As a high school guidance counselor who's been helping students prepare for college for almost 20 years, I've discovered there are at least several major areas of difficulty teens encounter in this transition from high school to college. I've also learned that parents and youth workers can play a major role in helping students overcome these difficulties. Here are some thoughts on how to help prepare students to overcome these difficulties and be more than just "Animals" during their years at college.
Family dynamics
Effective parents recognize that adolescents must become increasingly independent in the high school to college transition—like when the teens first learned to drive. Parents are not to grab the wheel of the collegiate planning process. Your teen should be following through on tasks without repeated promptings from you. If not, this is a big
"DANGER" sign on the road to college.
To make the successful transition, young adults need to practice both freedom and responsibility (some teens mistakenly equate freedom with a lack of responsibility). The first year of college is not the fifth year of high school. My one word of advice to parents and youth pastors is this: Be sure to listen! Ask insightful "What if" questions rather than giving pre-packaged answers to your teens. Remember, you are trying to develop good decision making in them so they can learn to think for themselves and become more confident in their identity and beliefs. These are essential attributes they need to be successful in college. At the same time, provide enough structure by exploring reasonable alternatives together so the adolescent doesn't get overwhelmed by the enormity of the process. (There are, after all, nearly 4,000 colleges in the U.S.)
Overview of college
College-bound teens often lack comprehension of the academic realties (like getting their first-ever "C") and the social demands of college (such as experiencing the pressures of dorm life). Adolescents who have a higher degree of foreknowledge are better able to plan their responses. Almost all college freshmen substantially overestimate their ability to adjust. For example, 25 percent do not return to their college for their sophomore year, and only 51 percent graduate within five years. Even successful students routinely feel overwhelmed by the experience.
In order to help teens learn how to deal with uncertainty in general, it is critical that parents and youth workers give still-at-home adolescents opportunities for new experiences where the results are not predetermined. Be willing to endure missteps and mistakes as part of the learning process. Provide real challenges and choices with real consequences. Assisting teens to organize one-day road trips to various college campuses to visit former youth group members could be a great way to make the college students feel "more adult-like" while imparting true knowledge and experiences to the soon-to-be college students.
Academics
As a new Christian and a college sophomore, I immersed myself in the Bible and theological books to learn about the faith. As I sat on the eighth floor of Ganser Library at Millersville University (where the theology texts were housed), I alternated between reading these books and peering through the window at the campus. I pondered how my faith translated to life "down there."
Helping teens develop a "biblical worldview" is essential. As an initial step, I would highly recommend that parents, youth pastors and older adolescents read
Under the Influence: How Christianity Transformed Civilization by Alvin J. Schmidt. This book shows the tremendous blessings of Christianity and it is a good antidote to counter those who see our faith primarily as a negative. In addition, read Byron Borger's recommendations on good books for the high school to college transition (
http://www.heartsandmindsbooks.com/articles/summer04.htm).
Career development
I'm both heartened and concerned when I read that the primary life goals of teens are: "Completing high school and going to college, finding a satisfying job, getting married, and raising kids" (
www.gallup.com). I'm heartened because these goals are so healthy. Yet, I am also concerned. Here's why: Solomon, the King of "Been There, Done That" calls these good things "vanity" when pursued without remembering God. In the book of Ecclesiastes he writes, "Remember now your Creator in the days of your youth, before the difficult days come, and the years draw near when you say, ‘I have no pleasure in them.'" I'm concerned that we are teaching teens to put their faith in these good things rather than in the "Giver of all good things."
The most important issue in preparing for college and finding pleasure in God is to get a solid understanding of calling. Os Guinness in his wonderful book,
The Call, defines calling as a "deep longing to understand our unique life purpose—the ultimate ‘Why' for living." As Guinness observes, the call of God is to infuse the eternal into the everyday through service and speaking to a lost world. Full-time Christian work does not only apply to the callings of pastors and preachers. It is for every Christian at all times and everywhere.
Charles Colson, in his essay
Reclaiming Occupied Territory and the Cultural Mandate, writes, "Remember, every part of creation came from God's hand, every part was drawn into the mutiny of humanity against God, and every part will someday be redeemed … it's clear that Christians are saved not only from something (sin) but to something—Christ's Lordship over all of life."
Developing a church-based network of Christ-following professionals for teens to spend time with—to experience how these professionals incarnate faith into vocational calling—is an effort that will produce incalculable benefits.
Adjustment difficulties
Loneliness and depression are much more common among college students than their peers who are not in college. Specifically, adjustment difficulties arise from unresolved family problems, the radical differences between the expectations and the realities of college, academic deficiencies, financial difficulties, and the lack of developing sufficient social supports on the campus. When adjustment difficulties arise, many college students try to resolve such problems through unwise and sinful behaviors such as getting drunk and acting sexually promiscuous (a common combination).
Dr. Ravi Zacharias once had a college student ask him, "Do you have any hope for the future of humankind and specifically our generation, and if so, why?" Dr. Zacharias reflects on this by stating, "Contrary to the ‘couldn't care less' image that we are given of university students, he reveals how close to cynicism—and pessimism—many of them are" (
www.rzim.org). In general, these difficulties are part of a larger societal trend. A significant degree of our culture's dissatisfactions and disappointments with life, work and relationships are that we expect too much from them. These things bear a "weight of expectation" that they are not designed to bear. Like Solomon, the band Switchfoot sings, "We want more than this world's got to offer" because in this world "We are not infinite, we are not permanent." Surely, God has "Set eternity in the hearts of men" (Ecclesiastes 3:11).
Sadly, young adults turn away from the church at the time they need it the most—during college and throughout the rest of their 20s. The Barna Research Group, citing a survey of teenagers, estimates that only one in three teens plans to keep attending church once they are on their own. Barna states, "Many young adults pass through their most formative decade (20-30) while putting Christianity on the back burner … millions of twenty-somethings are crystallizing their views on life without the input of church leaders, the Bible or other mature Christians" (
www.barna.org).
Expecting young adults to come to church unaccompanied is unrealistic. We must create and prayerfully finance more effective bridges between college campuses and churches where there are church-based pastors whose mission is connecting with college students on the campus and bringing them into the church. (See
www.ruf.org for an approach that models biblical principles).
Relationships
College relationships bring the most comfort and cause the most pain. C.S. Lewis, in his book the
Weight of Glory, reminds us of the eternal consequences of relationships. He writes, "The immortals we joke with, work with, marry, snub and exploit (are awaiting) immortal horrors or everlasting splendors … this does not mean that we are to be perpetually solemn. We must play. But our merriment must be of the kind which exists between people, who from the outset take each other seriously."
Yes, college students are to have fun and yet still be serious. As an example of "serious fun," my college housemates and I used to host an annual "Semi-Normal," replete with silly costumes, a snack called "Goonie Mix" (a combination of many of the most highly sugared cereals we could find) and Christian alternative music. It was serious fun with no alcohol or sexual promiscuity.
Now we need to talk about sex. Sexual temptation is particularly perilous in college. There's just something about having thousands of media-driven, hormonally stoked young people, with rooms and beds, in close proximity to each other. The best advice I ever heard on the topic was a pastor who said, "Treasure that which treasures you." Sexuality is a treasure. If given away, one must discern that it can be trusted in the possession of the other person. And, the only way to make this possible is through the marriage covenant. We need to communicate to college-bound students a comprehensive view of relationships and sexuality. Silence is not an option.
Drinking
Alcohol in college is about as easy to find as water. Despite the excitement of the party life, it is only a matter of time before the emptiness and destruction become obvious. My epiphany was when a friend vomited all over himself and others at a party. John Belushi himself died in 1982 because of his Animal House-like behaviors. Many students from Christian homes often naively throw themselves into the party scene only to discover that they have dissipated themselves and compromised their witness.
Yet, I believe the evangelical church often takes an unbiblical stand against alcohol consumption that damages the credibility of the gospel. We must convey the biblical parameters of drinking alcohol to adolescents (drunkenness is wrong, moderation, serve with food, obey the law and don't cause others to stumble), and we must leave the legalisms of abstention as mandatory for all Christians behind.
Wellness
Teens are busy these days, and when they get to college the stresses that they will be under increase even more. Because college is an environment where there are many demands placed on students, it is very easy to get out of the habits of enough rest, proper eating, exercise and spiritual reflection. Encourage your teens now to get into the habit of taking one full 24 hours off a week to rest and not to do work. On the other six days, encourage them to work diligently so they can truly enjoy the seventh day rest. Coleridge stated it beautifully, "I feel as if God, by giving the Sabbath, has given 52 Springs each year."
My personal transition to college was very difficult. I went to college as a brokenhearted and bewildered young person. I didn't know who I was or what I believed. Depression haunted me continuously. Then, someone took the time to share the gospel with me and it changed my life forever. The healing was slow but sure. Because it was so hard for me, it is my hope you can make the transition a little easier and less stressful for the teens you know and love.
As your teen heads off to college, your prayer should be that he or she learns and lives a lifestyle that's about more than being an animal. The college years are an opportunity to not only experience their God-given purpose, but an opportunity to prepare for a lifetime of living out that purpose of glorifying and serving the Creator. Perhaps we could paraphrase a prayer from Soren Kierkegaard's essay "Think About Your Creator," and pray it for our children:
"Lord, don't let worldly desire blind our teenagers going to college. Let not the college years be a joke, as you grieve in heaven, while they choose wrong pleasure and avoid the right and necessary conflict and struggle. Give them courage in dangers, patience in tribulation, love in life, victory in death and reward in heaven." AMEN
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