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In my years of youth ministry I have battled the personal frustration of my students missing out on weekly youth services, small group time, and youth events all because the sport or sports they play have a practice schedule of professional caliber.Interestingly I found very little. Is it because we’re afraid of the response we might get from schools, coaches, parents and even teens? Maybe I’m alone in my thinking? Which is the reason for this post and I’m looking for feedback. Here is what I’m talking about. In my years of youth ministry I have battled the personal frustration of my students missing out on weekly youth services, small group time, and youth events all because the sport or sports they play have a practice schedule of professional caliber. Please don’t misunderstand me, I’m not against sports. I believe their can be a balance between their favorite sport and attending youth meetings and functions. But what price are teens paying when their school, coaches, and even parents are demanding so much of their time.
This is very hot topic and growing concern in many churches today. We have and are also experiencing similar issues in youth ministry. I was once a talented young athlete and I loved recreational and high school sports. At that time I never knew why my parents were so adamant about putting youth ministry events first. Now at 30 years old I clearly see the connection on the importance of a solid and consistent “diet” where ministry activities, devotion, and small groups have to remain a priority. When we kept these a priority with the sporting events succeeding, God was faithful and still made a way to allow for both to exist and with good success. After expressing to the coaches and league officials of our stance we saw practices times, game days/times, and locations change because my parents took a stand on keeping the things of kingdom first. I believe God gives us favor in things like these however He’s just waiting for us to stand up and take a stand. I believe once we take a stand by faith we can’t even imagine what He’ll do to work on our behalf, but it requires taking that first step. Taking this stand is something we try to express to our youth and parents. I won’t lie, it’s still a challenge but little by little as we help them to see importance of putting things in priority, things are changing. One way have spun this challenge into an opportunity is for parents and teens to see their contact with team mates, parents, coaches as a way to share the gospel.
Rayner 10:12:12am on 12/18/2009
OffensiveThis is such a big problem for our church. I have been battling sports vs youth activities since day one on the job. My biggest disappointment is how committed the youth and parents are to a sport and the lack of commitment for spiritual things.
Michael Norby 11:11:13am on 11/16/2009
OffensiveThis pertains to about 3 of my youth they can't attend a sat. or even a wed. and sometimes a sun. worship because of sports. His dad is pushing him to this but I have found out that I am trying to attend at least two functions of my youth a year that they are involved in that. Doing this it reaches them farther than just seeing them when they get the chance to come. As well as the phone calls to them to see how the game went and who they have witnessed to or talked to about Christ. By doing this it maximizes the time when you do have with them.
Jason King 10:10:31am on 10/01/2009
OffensiveI have to agree with the author. as a youth leader in my community, i find that the kids are so focused on sports they care for nothing else. it has become There GOLDEN CALF. I love sports played for 4 years in high school, but when this has become the only thing they live and breathe where does Christ come into the picture. i believe it is time to put Christ 1st and then balance our sports life second
matt 12:08:50pm on 8/14/2009
OffensiveOn on the fresh men basketball team and I have this exact problem. I had miss many events i had planed because of basketball everyday its basketball and its sooooooo hard. I couldn't go to Disney land because i had basketball. Christmas break all i did was basketball i got to have X-mas and that was it we even had practice on new years. I'm thinking of quitting but its so hard because its my favorite sport. What should I do??
Elizabeth 6:01:46pm on 1/06/2009
OffensiveI have three young men now but were very good in sports. When they had to make a choice about certain events at church or pratice. They chose church not because of me but they said they had to deal with the way they felt inside because it was personal between relationship with Jesus. Sometimes its more the parents than it is the children.
Annie Williams 7:09:38pm on 9/22/2008
OffensiveBrian--I totally don't have the same problem you have in your youth group. NOT! The day after I read your article I encountered a "my son would love to do small group but we just can't get him there" excuse. It's funny that the kid just got done with a season of baseball and the parents bent over backwards to get him to the games--sometimes 3 a week, including Sundays. The kid isn't even that good! I'm fired up right now. We've expanded the dates small groups are offered in order to work around schedules, and there's still excuses. I'm thinking about being a little more opinionated than I have been in the past. I've expressed that small groups are good, but now I'm going to voice that they are ESSENTIAL. Paul used a guilt trip with Philemon. Do you think I can get away with that when communicating with parents? By the way, where did you get the stat that 2% to 3% of teens carry sports into their college years. I need some ammo.
Brad 9:09:24am on 9/12/2008
OffensiveI think we have to be careful of assuming that attendance at our youth ministry programs automatically produces mature disciples. I have definitely found the sports schedule to be a problem - so much that some youth completely drop out of all activity in our ministry except for sleepy Sunday morning attendance. But, I also know that some of them are in good families and good hands (God's) and just because they're more into sports right now than our programs, doesn't mean they're a spiritual failure. Program attendance is not the be-all end-all. That said, I share this frustration with eveyone who has commented. I think we're facing some pretty major cultural influences here - that being rich, famous, or at least popular is the most important thing; that our value is based on how good we are at something (in this case sports); that our identity is defined by what we do and who we hang out with... So I don't think this is going to change overnight or even by just adding pressure to "come to our more important thing." I agree we need to challenge, and I agree that probably our greatest target should be parents. Who better to daily help youth form a Christ-centered set of values and personal identity? I think parents are indeed dropping the ball and forgetting their priorities, or rather, THE priority. Of course, I also think we need to challenge youth. Whether that's within their love for sport - we can walk with them and mentor them, or elsewhere, I think we need to put before them the great mission that we are being called to be a part of and the great God that loves them - let them get a taste of something better than sports! We recently did a sermon series on idols, and we repeatedly heard that the key to removing idols is to capture an "over-mastering affection" for God. Let's call this what it is: idolatry. Our youth and parents are more into sports than church stuff because they are idolaters (and the sport is likely only masking the true idol). Let's focus less on combatting sports, coaches, schools, and more on finding ways and opportunities for students to be won over by the amazing love of God. That to me is the biggest part and what I'd love to hear ideas and strategies for. (And don't get me wrong: I know that this is going to be hard when we have no time to be with them because they're always in sports.) I think we need to help people catch a big Kingdom perspective - where the greatest thing is to live worship; where we don't need fame or fortune; where we don't need popularity with people; where sport can be entertaining without being based on consumerism and money...okay, now I'm ranting.
Reuben Meyer 11:09:13am on 9/11/2008
OffensiveBrian, I don't think we can point the finger at the coaches,parents or society. Its a combination of all three. We live in a time of change and I believe we can change how we do things as well. For example, why do have to meet on Wednesday nights? Can't we meet on a Tuesday or Thurdsday night. Can we take the youth meeting to the high school gym or football field at lunch time or before school starts. One of the local youth pastors has Chapel on Thursday mornings before school starts at the high school gym, and it is well attended by the athletes,band students,cheerleaders, all are welcome. In the Old Testament God never did his wonders in the same way, he always had a new idea, a God of newness and of fresh ideas....we need to think ouT of the BOX. WWJD
C. West 11:09:36am on 9/11/2008
OffensiveSome years ago I wrote an on-line column called "Baseball Boot Camp" lamenting the time requirement expected of my then 9 year old son in recreational baseball. As a DCE and Youth Leader I have trouble recruiting adults because if the commitment of the kids and also I have trouble getting the kids here. As a father of five, often alone when my wife is deployed, I get very frustrated at the time commitment expected of my own kids. But, it boils down to commitment. Parents have to be committed to the spiritual growth of their children. What a witness it would be if parents just refused to take their kids to a soccer game on Sunday morning or afternoon?
Bo Grimes 11:09:34am on 9/11/2008
OffensiveMy husband and I have helped out in youth group for 6 yrs. We're in our 40's and we love it! Two issues I'd like to address... 1- kids have enormous pressure to "succeed" in life and have a plan for their future; 2- they do need to channel their energy and passions. We've had 5 teens. When they were young, their club hockey games were taking over our lives, so we pulled way back... which was hard. We had to discuss other options with the kids, but we did succeed. Then we started helping out in youth group. Three of our teens are now young adults. Spiritually, they are pressing into God, plugged into church, asking good questions to "own their faith" and we're seeing growth. When stats consistently say 80% of churched young adults fall away from the church, we need to listen. What we believe is as parents we need to get involved in our teens lives. Parents get excited about a touchdown... wouldn't it be so great to see parents getting that excited with their teen in church? In our 200+ youth group, we've had a hard time getting parents to be involved. Kids say they want space, but we say from experience, try it and see what happens... stick in out for a year or two. They'll get used to and even like your presence. Stats also still say that the #1 impact on a teen life is their PARENT! That's great news! Perhaps as parents we need to redefine success. Maybe we need to be more open to what God is saying... maybe yes to homeschool, no to sports, no to a job in HS, or... no to college. I'm not saying "no college" is the answer for everyone, but are we really being open to God's leading for our teen's future? Or are we saying "Yes, God ... but don't ask me to homeschool, or take him out of football, or let her spend all her spare time volunteering at church, or ... sell our house, and go on the mission field... " (we know one family who are moving to Africa with their teens). The success we strive after every day is following Jesus, and Jesus said: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." Luke 9:23
cmill 12:09:13am on 9/11/2008
OffensiveI agree - Wednesday nights used to be kept free from extra-curricular activities, and then they crept into that night, then Sunday afternoons and evenings, and now even Sunday mornings. I think part of the problem is that kids are more involved more than ever in extra activities, and therefore some groups feel they have to meet at these times. Another problem is parents (and kids) not being willing to prioritize church and youth events. My husband has been a youth pastor for 15 years, and we have experienced time and time again what this article describes -- a young person choosing band, sports, cheerleading, etc. over youth group and/or church. Then they seem to draw farther away from spiritual things b/c they have made a choice to put other activities first.
kristina 4:09:34pm on 9/10/2008
OffensiveWe have noticed how many kids we have lost to youth group due to sports, and marching band. It's tough when the parent is also encouraging this behavior as the schools have also started having games on Sunday. So now the child is missing youth group, events and Sunday church. I have two teens of my own in the youth group. Sports is good for the kids but I really believe that their spiritual life far outweighs the sports. I have one daughter who has graduated and is in her second year of college. She is trying to find her own faith. It's easy to live on the faith of your parents, youth pastor or other strong Christian influences. This has been so difficult to watch her as she struggle in such a way.
Janeen 3:09:09pm on 9/10/2008
OffensiveI had a student that had already paid for our summer mission trip months in advance email me because she couldn't come because her golf and band coaches told her she couldn't miss anything. MY RESPONSE (copied and pasted from email): I understand where you are coming from and we’ll miss not having you around on the trip. I know that you missing the mission trip will not hinder your faith, except for any growth experiences you will be missing out. I can still refund your spot on the mission trip, except for the $50 registration that you paid. So, don’t feel like you made us waste money. You can take the following whatever way you’d like: I totally understand your love of golf and band. I was under the same situation in high school with tennis (and you know how crazy a sports freak I am). Every year I had to miss the 1st week of official practice to do a missions/summer camp. My coach for frosh/soph years totally understood and worked with me. But he quit and the new coach was not as understanding. So, for my junior and senior year I made the decision that my summer camp was more important than tennis (once again…big deal for me since I eat, sleep, and breathe sports), and each year I was punished severely with extra running and a loss of one or two spots on the varsity team (once again, a big deal going from #1 to #3 singles). In both of my last two years it took nearly half the season to move back to my spot. The point is that I decided I needed to take a stand and not let the busyness of my secular world interfere with my walk with God (and I wasn’t nearly as strong in my faith then as I am now…not even close, so it was a big step for me). I wasn’t going to let someone tell me I couldn’t go to camp. Coaches, teammates, they all had varying opinions, but they learned to respect my decision. I never once have regretted my decision to essentially be punished by my coaches for choosing to focus on God instead of sports that first week of August every year. The point is bigger than my tennis days or your golf/band activities. My point is that there will always be something in life saying “you have to fully devote yourself to me” and consequently your faith & faith activities will suffer unintentionally. Your faith may not get worse, but you just don’t know what you missed out on that could’ve made your faith grow even more. High school activities, jobs, relationships, are just a few examples. Any one choice may not be a large factor…but making it a habit and not standing up can add up to a lot of missed faith opportunities, which, for whatever reason, “church” seems to be less “mandatory” than other activities. Just to clarify, I totally understand your golf/band schedule and am not asking you to do what I did with tennis. I am just saying that in the future, and someday when you are a parent (I know…long time from now), you will have to make difficult decisions between those activities, jobs, and relationships. And if you start giving in too often (I am not saying you are, I am just trying to help you prepare for future decisions) your faith will suffer. I think you probably know teens and adults who have given in too often because they think “they have to” or “have no other choice” and you can see the end result. But, we do always have a choice. So, sorry this got long. I am not mad or disappointed…I just wanted to give you a little heads up for the future. Finding a right balance between our busy lives and our faith is difficult, but I have the greatest confidence in you that you will be able to find and maintain that balance. See you tomorrow!!!" SHE REPLIED (VIA EMAIL): "Hey, thanks for your advice. It really helped. I talked to my parents and I decided that I'm still going to go on the Missions trip. A few years from now I won't have Varsity Golf or Marching band anymore and it won't even matter. So I'll just work extra hard for both and put the most important thing in my life first. Sometimes I just get so caught up with everything, and I have a lot to worry about right now and I tried to cut out the most important thing that will probably happen to me this summer: the Mission Trip, which was really stupid. I guess I really have to work on my thinking skills. Ha." MY ATTEMPT TO TALK STRAIGHT FORWARD TO HER(communication)IN A NON-THREATENING WAY PAID OFF! IT WAS A BIG MOMENT FOR HER! THERE IS HOPE! BUT WE MUST BE WILLING TO DISCUSS THIS WITH STUDENTS AND PARENTS!
P. Strahm 2:09:20pm on 9/10/2008
OffensiveWe have to fight to keep Sundays absent of any type of school activities, which some communities are starting to struggle with! And BAND or a part-time job can be just as difficult to work with! The key is balance...I don't think it is an epidemic, yet. But, practices and out-of-season leagues make it more difficult. Extra curriculars are good for teens (and teens think they are really important for "college resumes"). But, if you keep the student in check they shouldn't miss to many Sunday mornings and Sunday evenings (if that is when your youth meets). Wednesdays are difficult during a sports season, and that is where attendance drops during sports. As long as they aren't 3 sport athletes there is enough other Wednesdays throughout the year to help them be the light of the world while they are in their sporting season!
Phil 2:09:40pm on 9/10/2008
OffensiveBrian, you're not off base, but I've found that the problem lies less, in our area at least, with school sports and more with club sports. They consume more weekends along with week nights. In the end, though, the problem is with parents. They have bought into the lie that kids have to be involved with EVERYTHING and that if they don't excel they won't get into a good college, thus will not get a good job, and will end up being miserable for the rest of their life. It's such a lie. We recently taught in our ministry on Hebrews 12 where it says to "throw off the things that hinder". The things that "hinder" are all of these "good" things: sports, school, drama, etc. These things aren't bad but Satan has tricked us into putting them onto the throne that only God belongs on.
Casey Prince 1:09:37pm on 9/10/2008
OffensiveWe struggle with this issue in our community and our church family. Many of our youth play school sanctioned sports and also participate in community-supported sports teams on the "off season". These community supported teams often play on Sunday mornings. Parents are aware of the team schedules before signing up for the season. This sends a huge message to our youth. I have not yet found a way to successfully address this issue. As a youth worker, I am supportive of my student atheletes and attend games on week nights and Saturdays when possible. I try to lead by example as to time priorities and where I will be found on Sunday mornings. I'm not sure that parents understand that the decisions they make now about their family's sports involvement and schedules are shaping their youths' attitudes toward sports and church for years to come. I believe that the answer lies with the parents. They are the only ones that can stand up and say enough.
Lisa Grace 1:09:32pm on 9/10/2008
OffensiveIt is definitely a challenge. One way we have responded in our community is to have a high school breakfast & devotional before school. So for the past three years 10 students or so will gather at my home for student led devotions, discussions & breakfast at 6:45am before school every Wednesday morning. Some who come also get to come on Wednesday evening, but some do not because of sports. It is a great way to keep them connected. Also volunteering at the schools with FCA, YCI, & Bible Clubs are ways to connect with students where they are. Providing free food & drinks grants us admission almost anywhere anytime. Utilizing relationships with students who are in leadership roles in these clubs helps pave the wave for admittance to the public schools. Principals become open, friendly, and grateful when they learn your heart & that you're not going to push the boundaries & draw negative attention to their public schools. Our high school even announces our "5th Quarter" events during the football games. Keep praying...God will make a way!
B 1:09:44pm on 9/10/2008
OffensiveI agree totally. We face the very same difficilties right down to coaches scheduling practices right through day off for holidays. We try to schedule our big events around the school calendar, but they dont follow it. It basically comes down to the parents and their commitment to God first of all, and then to the local church. We have a father in our church who has taken a stand and been called every name under the sun. he has stood firm and has set a priority for his children. So simply put if parents dont care neither will the student missing youth group.
Pastor Dan 1:09:04pm on 9/10/2008
OffensiveMy husband I are youth ministers and we too have felt the disappointment of sports over spiritual training. We have the same stories in our experiences. But teens are out for the season and return to nourish their need for Christ and their community. There are parents who look for options for their teens who wish to do both sport and church. I think the sport culture is a little consuming but so is academics, and music programs. Teens are tremendous pressure to compete for places on the team and a door into the university the wish to attend. They think they are insuring a future in uncertain times. Who is to blame? Is it the changing global economy, where no one is sure of their future and people compete for employment. It this what drives teens and parents to live current environment of give up everything to be in sports, music, academics etc. It is hard to think of the eternity of heaven when you are not sure you are getting to a college. I wish I had the answers of what is the balance. I am not sure the best answer is to accommodating the culture by finding ways to work around sports schedules. But that is where we find ourselves. We attend their sporting events to let them know we care about them, wherever they are. Are parents guilty Perhaps for our denomination it is a problem that parents experienced a different church and did not have youth programs, small groups or retreats and they don't support the program as much as they might have if it was a part of their youth. Sports has many benefits but I do think they can become all consuming to the detriment of the teens. How can we encourage parents? We can welcome them and their children when they come to us. Tell them the importance of finding God early in your life. Maybe help them find God in their personal experiences then they will want it for their teens. My advice is sing the good news and they will come because they feel the need in their lives. Be that loving influence where ever you go. Be faithful to what God is asking of you and he will bring them to you.
MJ Guilianelli 12:09:22pm on 9/10/2008
OffensiveAs the school systems have taken over the responsibility of teaching morals to children and keeping them out of "trouble" they have created programs to accomplish these goals. Most programs are sports programs. Remember the "mid-night basketball" program which would keep kids out of the gangs. Perhaps the church has not be vocal enough in the true solution for many of these problems and the fact that the solution is within our doors. Midnight basket ball has not cut down on the number of gang members. School sports cannot solve the social problems of our time either. We need to use our voice.
Rebecca 12:09:10pm on 9/10/2008
OffensiveAs the school systems have taken over the responsibility of teaching morals to children and keeping them out of "trouble" they have created programs to accomplish these goals. Most programs are sports programs. Remember the "mid-night basketball" program which would keep kids out of the gangs. Perhaps the church has not be vocal enough in the true solution for many of these problems and the fact that the solution is within our doors. Midnight basket ball has not cut down on the number of gang members. School sports cannot solve the social problems of our time either. We need to use our voice.
Rebecca 12:09:10pm on 9/10/2008
OffensiveHi Brian, I'm in agreement. So often it is an "us against them" mentality. I'm not against sports, music, or other extra curricular activities, but as we started the fall schedule, I had my youth note which nights of the week would be good for a mid-week activity, study, whatever. I was very surprised at the number of people that said "none", there was no good night of the week because they were so busy with other activities. Then we hear comments from parents and the youth that there aren't any activities for them, or they are falling away from the faith, eventhough, as you noted, oftentimes it is because of the schedules the youth have during the week. I think it falls to the parents who need to teach their children balance between the activities. It seems far to often that God is pigeon holed into Sunday morning, if there's not a game.
Pastor Bill 11:09:31am on 9/10/2008
OffensiveBrian, I think the solution to the extracurricular crisis in the schools comes in 4 steps. All relate to the priority people place on their faith. Step 1 - Challenge the students. You can easily give a talk on "Making God your Greatest Priority" in your youth group, but these talks are not going to make a whole lot of difference. Often students are involved in sports because of the expectation of others. While conviction from God's Word on the subject of priorities is huge, it will not remove the outside pressures they already are facing. Step 2 - Challenge the parents. This is truthfully where much of the pressure comes from in a teens life. If a parent told their child that they no longer needed to play football if they did not want to ... well, think of the burden that would lift off that kid. Maybe that "priorities" talk you gave could actually make a difference. Step 3 - Challenge Church Leadership If the church adopts a broad vision for making the things of God a priority in our lives. This leverages an excellent segway into preaching on how parents model this in their children's lives. It also would help to have the entire staff behind you in this effort since it is such a touchy subject. Step 4 - Pray Not as some token thing you do when "stuff isn't changing" but rather to grant you the peace that we are only God's tools and He is the one in charge. We work by His schedule. The above steps are really the only options we have as youth ministers. We cannot dictate to schools what they should do. We cannot control the pressure our teen's friends place on them to be in sports. So, we do what we can and count on God to do the rest.
Nate 11:09:21am on 9/10/2008
OffensiveWhen I was growing up, our schools and community all accepted that Wednesday night was "church" night. Schools were not allowed to hold practices, or rehearsals that night. In the community I live in now, schools generally still hold to that, but community based sports, scouts, music lessons, etc. have taken over. In large part, I think it's up to the parents to stand up and say no - to coaches, and children. They will be unpopular with both audiences, but if parents join together, and say we aren't taking our teen to practice we are taking him/her to youth group, eventually the tide will turn. It will undoubtedly have a negative impact on those youth blazing the trail with respect to their place on the sports team. But what are the future rewards with respect to their place in the Kingdom?
Andi 11:09:13am on 9/10/2008
Offensive
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