In fourteen years of ministry I have felt the excitement of watching many students answer God’s calling on their lives to go into full-time student ministry. Nervous excitement fills their eyes with tremendous anticipation of the vast amount of souls they will touch with His love. Yet, I also see something dangerous in that enthusiasm
While this commitment sounds noble, it is often very destructive. As a single minister, it establishes a bad commitment/habit that is hard to change. As a married youth minister, it is often detrimental to his or her family.
From my years of experience, I also worry about the untamed excitement. I have seen too many passionate youth workers “sign a blank check” to the church, committing to do whatever is necessary. While this commitment sounds noble, it is often very destructive. As a single minister, it establishes a bad commitment/habit that is hard to change. As a married youth minister, it is often detrimental to his or her family.
If you’re single, you will need to set some boundaries that will allow you to make the necessary adjustments for when (and if) you choose to marry and start a family. For those of you who are married, with or without children, here are some tried and true principles in protecting your family while you are in ministry. (Remember, your family is just as committed to the ministry as you are!)
Set-up Family Time
With the chaotic schedule of ministry, it is imperative to ensure you have quality time with your family (especially your spouse). I know many of you have heard this before, but it never hurts to have it reiterated. If you don’t have quality time with your family, it doesn’t matter what you do or what day of the week it is. Without it, they will see you and your job as something that is important to you and something that you love, but they will also see you as unreachable except for emergencies.
By not establishing consistent time with your family, you are communicating to them that the ministry is more important than they are. There is nothing that will turn your family against the ministry and the church faster than having to be #2 day after day. Spend extra time with them after you return from a retreat, mission trip, or camp. Remember your family is your biggest support system. Without them, you really won’t accomplish too much. You will just run around in circles not really able to touch anyone’s life.
Take a Workless Vacation
There have been too many times when I have taken a vacation with my family only to spend a huge amount of time on my smart phone (which really wasn’t too smart of me). As a result, I was constantly available to everyone’s needs and demands. Again, while noble, it wasn’t too wise. Your family needs your undivided attention while you are with them, especially on vacation.
Don’t be afraid to turn the phone off and check messages at the end of the night or while the kids are taking a nap. Vacation is relaxation for you (and yes, it is okay for you to relax). It’s time for you to reconnect with your family, and for making memories that will last a lifetime. Never cheapen your family vacation by being in constant contact with the ministry. You’ve scheduled the time and spent the money, make it everything you can for your family to enjoy.
Never Unload About the Leadership
One of the day-to-day mistakes I see ministers make is unloading their frustrations with church leadership in front of their children and to their spouse. Children never need to know the nasty politics of church ministry and they definitely don’t need their parents feeding into any negativity, whether intentional or accidental.
If there is something on your mind that you truly need to vent, approach your accountability partner about it. Spouses get very protective when it comes to church politics. There were many instances I never approached my wife about since I knew she would have a difficult time interacting with the individuals in question at the time.
Just because something can be said, doesn’t mean it needs to be said.
Gain Accountability
An accountability partner will not only pray for the weak areas of your life to help you maintain purity and holiness, but they are also there for wisdom. A true accountability partner will hold you accountable with how much time you are spending with your family, ensuring they are your top priority.
They will lovingly let you know if you are having an affair on your spouse with the ministry. If you find yourself constantly thinking of the ministry, the students, the families, and programs while you are spending time with your family, there are definitely issues that need to be addressed.
When we are so focused on the “doing” of ministry we start to let the “being” of ministry slip. Becoming obsessed with ministry is the first sign of a major character flaw that will breed nothing but the fruit of damage, pain, destruction, and misplaced priorities.
Outside of maintaining personal holiness, there is nothing as important as properly ministering to your family by protecting them. Remember, a minister is only as strong as his/her support system and without your family by your side, you won’t have much support to make the necessary impact.
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