“Slipping through the cracks” is a cliché used for many things, but unfortunately it’s all too familiar in our churches. Mostly it’s come to define what happens to many kids as they transition out of high school youth ministry.
Ministries intentionally reaching college-age people cannot solve the entire issue, but the lack of college age groups certainly contributes to the drop off during this transition. Most churches have yet to embrace ministries geared specifically to the post high school years, and this leaves them without guidance and often feeling unwanted and detached
“Slipping through the cracks” is a cliché used for many things, but unfortunately it’s all too familiar in our churches.
They don’t fit in our traditional ideas of student ministry anymore, and they certainly don’t feel like adults.
Means Versus End
The evaluation of whether or not a high school ministry is successful must include how it helps student’s transition into adulthood. Without embracing this idea, we hinder the growth and maturity of our young people.
Once our kids graduate from high school ministries, many disconnect. Yet our actions scream, “We don’t care about you anymore! You don’t belong in our church! You’re not important enough for us to Address your life stage issues!” Of course we’d never say that, and our hearts certainly don’t feel that way, but our actions speak louder than either.
Is the point of our high school ministries to get students to just show up and act right, or is it truly part of a lifelong discipleship process? Are our high school ministries the end, or are they means to a greater end? For both questions, I hope it’s the latter. If not, we’ve falsely defined ministry success.
Necessary Recognitions
Before we look at practical ways in which we can help our graduate’s transition into adulthood, I want to make sure we understand why we do these things. The reality is that times have changed. I’m not talking about modern versus postmodern eras, the differences of the ’Net generation from former ones; nor am I speaking of specific generational values or beliefs. I’m talking about the lives of people in a specific age-stage, between 18 and 25 years of age. The realities people face in this age-stage has tremendously evolved.
To be effective, there are at least four things we must embrace before we determine how we spend our time and energy:
1. Transition is longer than a summer.
Failure to recognize transitioning students as bigger than a summer or a one-time event will lead to higher disconnection statistics. This “transition” can actually last up to seven or more years, and these years are some of the most formulating years of a person’s life.
So the church must begin to engage post-high schoolers during this entire time of transition. It’s not a transition out of high school as much as it’s a transition into adulthood, and this is far more complex than a few events or retreats can solve. Whether or not our students move away to college, we must still make sure they’re being mentored and loved throughout these crucial years.
2. It’s a time of instability.
Looking for a place in society, high school grads experience an array of things that force them to reevaluate the beliefs and assumptions with which they were raised. It’s a stressful time for many, but more than that, it’s a time of searching…with hope of discovery. Truth, identity, intimacy, meaning, and pleasure—all areas of life college-age people are wrestling with, and doing so differently than at other stage of their lives.
Unfortunately, too many are aimless, wandering through these years alone
without the presence of biblical guidance and loving mentor voices. Graduates are too often left with only secular voices guiding their
reevaluations. A summer event could be helpful, but like our ministries, it’s not the end.
3. Delayed adulthood.
Graduating high school has generally become another transition into the next stage of education, not a time of adult-like living. Certainly, there are adult characteristics in every college age person, but we can also make the mistake of viewing them as more stable than they really are. (Editor’s note: In fact, this publication was intentionally named The Journal of Student Ministries rather than using the word “youth” is because much of the processes involved in ministry with middle school and high school students is similar to what’s involved in ministry to college students.)
The college-age years have become a late adolescent stage of exploration
versus a time of consistent maturity. Most late adolescents view adulthood
as a desirable time of stability—but from their perspective it’s also a time
where autonomy, spontaneity, exploration, and essentially all liberty ends.
They need sound doctrine guiding their reevaluation of beliefs, and mature
believers guiding them can allow for this.
4. Identity Crisis.
Grades, sports, humor, significant others, and social networks are all things that can give high school students a sense of identity. After graduation their high school identities are typically either lost or outgrown. Christian or not, this leaves most grads with feelings of isolation and detachment.
Although this is a natural part of everyone’s transition after high school, when you lose a sense of who you are, certain questions come to the surface. Who am I? Where do I fit into society? What makes me unique? What am I going to do with my life? Again, a few one-time-events held over the summer will not answer these questions by themselves.
Recognizing the longevity and importance of this search is necessary to truly help post-high schoolers transition. If the body of Christ isn’t a part of this entire thought process, our students have only popular culture to turn to for identity.
Helping Students (Truly) Transition
While unpacking the core issues faced during late adolescence is too vast for one article, the previous four elements are the basis for engaging those struggles. They at least provide a basis for understanding the need, and they offer a direction for determining how we can help. This transition is a complex, internal process that all people go through after high school, and our role is to walk with young people during this time. What are some practical actions we can take to not only make post-high schoolers feel loved but also show them through our actions that they actually are? Here are three things we must do to properly transition kids and some practical ways of going about them.
Intentionally “Rattle Their Cages”
Too often students enter their college-age years with their parents’ faith,
not their own, which often ends in spiritual confusion. We make the mistake
of not forcing them to think through this before they graduate. It’s much better if they’re confused while you’re there to walk them through things rather than them being confused with nobody to go to.
If you’re the first one to bring up issues that cause them to question their faith, they’re more likely to come back to you to talk about it if a professor does the same thing down the road. So, simply teaching “proper behavior” doesn’t mean we’ve done our jobs. Here are some practical ways you might go about preparing your kids to be confronted by life after high school:
1. Have weekly one-on-one meetings with the goal of hanging out and
eventually asking some hard questions from a “devil’s advocate” perspective. Why do you believe the Bible? How do you know it’s true? They may reply, “Prophecies.” What prophecies? If they name a couple, ask them to tell you where those are in Scripture. The point is to make them realize they probably don’t know as much as they think they know. This is good, healthy, and even necessary. If you don’t ask these types of questions and force students to think, someone else will. However, that other person may not have the foundation to guide their thought processes toward biblically mature conclusions. In fact, they may even have an anti-Christian bias.
2. Have a weekend retreat for graduates where you talk through identity. Ask questions like, “Who are you?” “Why are you a Christian?” “How do you know you’re a Christian only because your parents are?” Leave it ambiguous, and wait for them to come to conclusions themselves. Don’t be afraid to create a little bit of a mess in their lives. It’s okay if you make them feel like they don’t know who they are. The point isn’t to confuse them and then leave; it’s to let them know you’re going to help them think through these issues. If thought happens, the retreat will be filled with teachable moments. Take advantage of them, but don’t just provide answers. At some point they’ll ask these questions anyway; so we may as well be the ones to force the thought process—so we can also guide it.
Expose Them to Other Adults
Too often our goal is to transition our kids into a specific church or ministry rather than the life of the Church (with a capital C). High school grads’ biggest need is remaining connected to the universal Body of Christ, not just your local congregation or ministry (although that would be great, as well). Whether or not your students leave for school, intentionally fostering a connection in your ministry (and/or a ministry on or near their campus) beyond just you and their parents is vital. Far too often we fail to recognize that truly loving our students requires us to help them connect beyond us individually. Here are some practical ways you might do this:
1. Have a dinner/barbeque for your graduates, but invite a couple or two
from the church as well. This couple is there just to hang out and talk. Nothing more. Age doesn’t matter, but this couple needs to be relational,
down to earth, and mature in faith. This can provide an opportunity for your
students to connect with people they never would have otherwise. Simply
introduce them as your friends and let your students know they wanted to be there because they’re going to be praying for them as the students transition into the next phase of life. (I’d recommend telling your students
individually, keeping it authentic and relational; if articulated in a group
setting it could create awkwardness, with the perception of being forced.)
E-mails and phone numbers may be exchanged, but this should happen naturally rather than institutionally.
2. Host a weekend retreat for your graduates where you invite some older,
more mature adults. Again, age doesn’t matter, but they should have the same qualities as the folks you invite to the barbeque. Have a lot of down time just to hang out, but have these people share their testimonies at some
point. It’s important that they articulate their personal stories and are careful not to give the typical, “I want to tell you all the things you should not do,” teacher-to-pupil type of testimony. They are real people with real stories. Graduates can apply their stories to themselves. They need to see these peoples’ hearts (besides, they already know what not to do).
3. Meeting with our students one-on-one is vital, but sometimes it’s better
if we’re not the ones they meet with. There are times when another leader in
the church can help them just as much as we can, possibly even more. As much as possible, connect your students to these other people. When an issue comes up in a conversation with a student, talk to her about it—but at some point let her know there’s someone you want her to talk to who’s dealt with the same thing. If your student trusts you, she’ll meet with this person.
In all of these situations, constantly pray that mentoring relationships are
being formed with young people beyond with just you.
Help Them See the Bigger Picture
Our goal isn’t to increase the numbers in our ministries, making us look good; it’s to disciple students to live as mature believers, having a worldview that’s bigger than just their own individual whims. Without this perspective they’ll never truly transition into mature, Christian adults. Here are two ways you can implement this:
1. Send them off as missionaries. After meeting with them individually and talking about this concept, have your pastor introduce them as missionaries in church services. Have your missions pastor (or other leader) constantly keep in contact with them. Maybe even raise some financial support for them as any missionary would, which helps keep them focused and creates a sense of accountability. Now, if you decide to do this, it can’t happen merely over one summer; it must be a core aspect of your time with them. You can even travel with them to their college campuses, pray over the campus, and walk the halls—challenging them to think through how they might be able to live out (and share) their faith there. (And you can do the same for those entering the work force or military.)
2. Re-emphasize the fact that you and your ministry are simply the means to a greater end in their lives. Love them enough to truly prepare them.
Constantly remind them they haven’t arrived, but that your goal is to help
them keep their “eye on the prize.”
Conclusion
What are our actions really saying if we drop kids after they graduate? What
does that say about our definition of a successful high school ministry?
Looking at our actions, we can see what we really believe, and where our
priorities are.
Like me, you’re probably constantly limited by lack of time, but we have to
remember that it’s not about us. Christianity never is. It’s about others that are left aimless, in need of loving mentor voices. We must be willing to pay the price of time, if need be.
So, how do we follow up with people throughout these crucial years? There’s
a lot to it, so I think I’ll save that for the next article…
Published by
Journal of Student Ministries, July/August 2007
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